TWENT(EEN)Y

I have always feared adulthood. For some unknown reason, the thought of leaving my teenage years behind has always been frightening for me. I'm scared of being on my own and making decisions that will obviously have a great impact on my life. I'm afraid to make mistakes that may scar me forever and I just can't imagine not having both my mom and my dad guiding me in every step I take. I'm so used to being dependent that I fear opening this new chapter in my life "alone".   

But when I woke up on that sunny day of August 24, all those unpleasant thoughts suddenly vanished. I faced the day with a smile on my lips because my morning was filled with greetings from friends, family members, long-lost relatives, teachers, org-mates, and even simple acquaintances. I though I couldn't be any happier until...

... Miguel, the love of my life, surprised me with balloons, a cake, and a beautiful bouquet of roses. My mom prepared a special dinner for me, and my friends Dan and Keanu handed me their nice gifts as well. My dad and my grandparents also made me feel their love despite the great distance between us through a video call.

This day would not have been as fun if it weren't for the people who made an effort to go out of their way and make it extra special. Tears almost welled up in my eyes because of the extreme happiness that I felt.

I used to fear adulthood. But now that I have realized that I have all these loving, caring, and supportive people by my side, I don't think there's still a reason for me to feel frightened.

"Life is one big scary unknown" but I think that's the best part about it. No one is ever sure of what's going to happen next so each day becomes a new adventure that we just have to enjoy and survive.

So this is me bidding goodbye to all my fears and welcoming with open arms whatever I have yet to experience in my life. I'm finally ready to face adulthood and I hope I'll enjoy the ride.

ZERO GRAVITY

It was a rainy Friday morning when we decided to push through with our reservation at Trampoline Park. Joanne (one of my best friends), her sister, her sister's boyfriend, and I braved the storm just to reach this "Zero Gravity Zone" at the Greenfield District in Mandaluyong. You can easily reach the venue by taking the MRT because it's just a few blocks away from Shaw station. Just make sure you bring grip socks (but you can buy from them), water, and extra clothes.

There are different kinds of trampolines you can try: rectangular, square and ramps. There are even trampolines on the walls that you can jump on and use as support for that back flip you have always wanted to try. They also have a basketball ring that you can dunk on. But I have to say that my favorite was the foam pit. I totally enjoyed plunging into a sea of foam!

We went early so there were only a few people playing. But since most of them were only there for an hour, we had the whole place by ourselves after they left. We spent two solid hours of jumping, running, throwing balls at each other, and trying different trampoline tricks (thank you so much to the staff who guided us).

I just hope they would add more activities in the area so it would be more fun. But other than that, I can say that it was a great experience. We had so much fun jumping around and laughing! It was really stress-relieving. And the best thing about it is that we got to burn 2,000 calories! (No wonder I look slimmer in the photos after spending two hours in the activity area! HA HA HA.)

Cheers to another activity off my bucket list. I'll definitely try this again next time.

AT A LOSS FOR WORDS

07 / 22 / 16

I love how matakaw we both are. Haha.

Beautiful.

NO TOMORROW

12:15 a.m.
Photos drenched in tears occupied half of her work table. Elle, a doctor who seems to age so beautifully, has been awake for more than twenty four hours now. Her shirt reeks of sweat and dirt. While breathing heavily, she scanned her surroundings: a cup of untouched coffee, bread from yesterday’s breakfast, a rosary, pens, and scattered post-its. She fixed her gaze on the clock. She sighed knowing that in a few hours, the sun will be shining brightly and she has to face reality. She wiped her eyes and curled herself up in bed. She tried to sleep but scenes from earlier haunted her like monsters trying to eat a little girl alive. Cassandra, her daughter who is as equally alluring as her, empty bottles of pain killers, wilted flowers from visitors, and doctors and nurses rushing— all these flashed before her very eyes and she started to cry.
Looking back, she remembered the first time she caught a glimpse of her daughter. Her bubbly little girl turned out to be an attractive young woman who became the talk of the town for her physical perfection. She was tall, fair-skinned, had small lips with a perfect set of teeth, and had round eyes that speak volumes. She may not be the brightest crayon in the box but she was certainly the most preferred one. She was well-known for her beauty, plush life, and seemingly-perfect world. Unfortunately, she had to suffer the pains of growing up without a father. He left them with the fear of not inheriting anything from his well-heeled parents. But despite all the hardships, Elle made sure that she will give her princess more than what she needs and asks for.
Everything was going smoothly until Cass started asking questions about her dad. Elle did not know quite what to say. This urged her daughter to desperately look for a father figure in all her suitors and admirers. However, the scar in her heart just can’t seem to heal and she never felt contented so she started looking for that affection in men way older than her peers. Sam, her lesbian best friend, is definitely against this. But little did she know that her dad and her dear friend were secretly having an affair. He promised her a life where she would feel the love and concern that her mother has failed to provide because of her desire to give her the world and all the necessities and luxuries in it. Their relationship went on for a year but when Sam found out about their secret, she cut the communication not just between her best friend and her father, but also between them.
One cold night, Cass woke her mother up because of the excruciating abdominal pains she was experiencing. There were sores around her genitals and rashes appeared in her flawless skin. Elle immediately responded and gave her pain medication. She rushed her to the hospital only to find out that she has contracted Human Papillomavirus, a sexually transmitted disease. Her past relationships and her attempts to feel wanted has led her to make love both with men she knew for months and those whom she can barely even remember the name. Despite all the attention she gets from everyone, her insecurities always acted up. She felt incomplete because of the lack of love and support she has always longed for both from her dad who has never made an effort to show up and from her mom who has somehow forgotten how it really is to act as a mother. She has always envied girls her age who are happy despite adversities in life because they had a loving and complete family who stood by their side.
Days went by and Cass grew weaker than ever because of complications. The chemotherapy sessions were doing her no good. And finally, the day they both feared the most came. They were not ready. They will never be.
Elle burned the lines to heaven just so God would save Cass from her battle but no one seemed to hear her. She approached her daughter that evening while she was peacefully sleeping and poured her heart out. She planted a kiss on her forehead and asked for forgiveness for all her shortcomings and for all the days she has wasted not being there for her princess. When the clock ticked, her heart started beating slowly and the doctors and nurses rushed into the room to check.
Time of death: 9:04 p.m.
Elle wailed and ran out of the room and into the streets. She stood in silence.
A year later, she finds herself staring at a photo of her and Cass taken ten years ago. She is miserable than ever. She has lost her beauty (and even her senses), she no longer does duties as a doctor, and she has lost the will to live. But when she looked at the photo again and stared at the mirror after, she realized that this was not what her daughter wants for her. She knew Cass would want her to move on and be happy. So right there and then, she proceeds to her study table and takes out a pen and a fresh sheet of paper. She writes…
“Hi, Cassandra! How’s my princess doing? I bet the angels are all pleased to have a new addition to their family. But I hope they’re kind enough to bring you back to me. You see, there’s not a day that passes that I don’t miss you. I regret not kissing you as soon as I wake up and not hugging you during the moments you were down. I feel bad for not sleeping beside you during thunderstorms and not wiping your tears away heartbreak after heartbreak. I weep over the thought of not ever sharing a meal with you when all you wanted was someone to talk to. I regret not caring for you and not making you feel loved. Life is a temporary assignment, Cass. And I hate myself for realizing it just now. I’m sorry for failing you but I do hope you can forgive me. I love you, my princess and I guess I’ll have to endure missing you everyday until the day comes when I can finally see you again. But for now, I guess I just have to try living without you. I have to accept the fact that you are already gone. I need to face the reality that this ‘letting go and moving on’ phase will be sad and long. And finally, I think I just have to get by… try to continue existing like nothing ever went wrong.”
Elle folded the paper and kept it in her bag to be dropped off tomorrow in front of Cassandra’s tomb stone.
3:20 a.m. Lights closed.

PAG-IBIG ANG PANG-ANIM (REVIEW)

© Ma'am Faye Martel-Abugan

“Kapag tinitignan mo siya, ‘wag mo siyang titignan nang kung paano mo ako tinignan.” This is one of the lines that really struck me after having the privilege to watch Pag-ibig ang Pang-anim— a production of the Faculty of Arts and Letters’ very own Artistang Artlets.

The performance was set in a small stage in one of the rooms inside the Buenaventura Garcia Paredes, O.P. building. The whole space was enveloped in darkness and only two bulbs were used to bring light to the faces and bodies of the actors. At first, it gave me an impression of a horror-themed performance (despite the title) because of the uncanny set-up. But when the director explained that it was a depiction of a poor man’s theater, I understood the concept right away and I have to give them two thumbs up for the interesting set. I just hope that they ensured the silence inside the room so the audience had the chance to put more attention to the performance rather than the noise outside.

And since we are already talking about the venue, I might as well share my thoughts about the design elements already. The crates which were scattered in an organized way and the apple boxes which were used as the main set design fit the poor man’s theater concept very well. Take the first one as an example. The boxes served as the seats inside the jeepney. They were then used as tables for the second and third scenes. And for the fifth and sixth, they became chairs for the couples.  The team behind the play really knew how to create a great production even with minimal props. As for the costume, I honestly did not see the connection between the pristine white clothes and the concept of the poor man’s theater but it gave way for the audience to set their eyes on the body movements and facial expressions of the actors and not on the unnecessary designs and style of their clothing. Now when it comes to the sounds, the effects and music were nice but they could have added more to help the viewers get in the mood and really feel the lines and emotions of the performers. Lastly, the stage management was good because of the proper blocking and quick transition.

But disregarding all that and just focusing on the story itself, I must say that this, by far, is one of the most moving performances I have ever watched and it interestingly has the most quote-worthy lines. The play was divided into six stories with each scene representing a certain sensory faculty. The latter was not explicitly shown or stated but with full attention given, one will immediately know what sense they were appealing to.

Each actor is worth noting. But for me, the ones who stood out were the artists for the first and last scenes (Pandinig and Pang-amoy). For the first act, Jill and Aya were really funny even without trying. However, despite the comedic portrayal, the lines they uttered left a pang in my heart. Now for the last act, the couple whose names were Ryan and Pepper surprisingly knew which button to hit. Tears welled up in everyone’s eyes upon realizing that their story was about the unconditional love of a girl who said goodbye a long time ago but never really had the courage to let go. Their portrayal was simple but very realistic and relatable. Perhaps that is the reason why the audience felt the connection.

A pat on the back should be given to the director for having a job well done. The play was moving and all the scenes seemed really connected. Disregarding the minimal flaws, I can say that the crew did a great job for pulling off such a wonderful performance. They have shown that even with a small space, minimal props, and simple costume, a good production can be executed. The whole performance left my heart aching but somehow craving for more.

STEPPING OUT (REVIEW)

© Ronette Miclat

In a room filled with varying personalities, different life stories, and contrasting ideas and points of view, will there ever be unity and harmony? This is the story of eight tap-dance students who seem to be in chaos mode every week, a teacher who dances both to live and to earn a living, and a pianist who is always there (literally and metaphorically).

© Ronette Miclat

The performance was set in the proscenium stage of Greenbelt’s OnStage Theatre. They actually had three set-ups: dance studio, bar, and café. What made things interesting are the movable props and set design. Add to that the proper lighting that made everything aesthetically pleasing. The music team did a pretty great job as well. However, the songs were not as exceptional as I thought they would be. They did not have a recall and that is probably the reason why no one from the audience had a last song syndrome from the play.

But all those aforementioned things only apply to the physical aspects of the whole story. They are all but secondary factors to be considered. The part that we really should focus on is the critique of the thespians’ performances.

All the actors actually deserve two thumbs up not just for portraying their roles well, but also for touching the hearts of the viewers by sharing both their talents and life stories in a very realistic and moving way.
Mavis, as portrayed by Angela Padilla, portrays the role of a tap-dance teacher who gives too much but gets nothing in return. She is the character whom people will like at first sight, then hate as the story progresses, but will eventually love at the end. She seemed very fit for the role because of her natural grace and dancer-like posture.
Same is true for Shiela Francisco who gave life to Mrs. Fraser’s witticisms and wonderful piano skills. Though unnoticed at times, we really felt her motherly love most especially during the quiet moments in the story.
And speaking of love, why don’t we talk about the intimate moments (sans the physical contact) of Andy and Geoffrey? Christine Flores as Andy depicted the story of a lonely wife who only finds happiness in taking different lessons. Her sweet and fascinating moments with the awkward and newly widowed Geoffrey, as portrayed by Raymund Concepcion, are something to look forward to.
Natalie Everette as Dorothy gave the audience the same excitement. As a small girl with big gestures who is eager to be loved, she is one of the characters who brought joy to the whole performance and smile on the lips of the viewers. The girl who seemed closest to her in the story is Lynne, portrayed by Cara Barredo, a nurse by day and a dancer every Friday night. She conveys her message well not through speaking but through dancing— something that she seemed really good at.
We also have the two oldest women in the group who refused to be left out by their younger tap-dance group mates. The first one is EJ Villacorta who played the role of Maxine, an opinionated woman who provides everything— from hats and clothes to stories about the people in the class. The other is Vera who was portrayed by Joy Virata (the artistic director of the production). The class got annoyed with her because she kept meddling in everyone’s affairs. Little did they know that she just wanted to give the attention and affection she has always longed to have and to give to her family who seemed to be shutting her out all the time. She had one of the greatest performances in the play.
But the two actors who really stood out for me are Sylvia and Rose. Sarah Facuri who brought Sylvia to life is the stout housewife who became the audience’s apple of the eye because of her remarkable quips and natural sass. Bituin Escalante as Rose, on the other hand, is a bold and fearless Haitian with the voice of a belter. Her song numbers left people in amazement.

But the characters will not be able to execute their roles well if they did not have a good story to begin with. The text was pretty simple but what made it quite remarkable for me is the fact that it somehow gave the audience a refresher course on trying to know and understand people beyond what their eyes can see (a.k.a. “no judging a book by its cover 101”). Each persona had a façade far different from reality and that alone gave the audience something they can relate to. The whole performance may not have a complex story line or shocking plot twists, but it did have authenticity and sincerity that left people in awe.

It was truly an entertaining show. Jaime Del Mundo deserves two thumbs up for directing and for putting together such an amazing production. Although there were parts which I failed to appreciate just like the scene in the bar where their backs were facing us, the performances seemed flawless and are truly worthy of the audience’s cheer and applause.

Post-show photo op with the cast.

PAANO BA MAGLUTO NG ADOBO?

Manok, baboy, sitaw, kangkong, pusit, at okra— ilan lamang ‘yan sa mga pinaka-kilalang klase ng isa sa mga itinuturing na pambansang pagkain sa Pilipinas— ang adobo. Dahil sa angking sarap na taglay nito, marami ang nagtatanong kung paano nga ba ito niluluto. Simple lamang. Kakailanganin mo lang ng isa sa mga nabanggit na sahog sa itaas at dagdagan ng ilan pang mga sangkap upang maging mas malasa at malinamnam.

Ngunit para makagawa ng isang masarap na putahe, hindi lamang magagandang klase ng rekado ang kailangan. Importante rin ang taga-lutong may puso sa kanyang ginagawa. Tulad ng isang relasyon, hindi maaaring isa lang. Kailangan dalawa kayong nagtutulungan.

Ngayon, halimbawa ay gagawa tayo ng isa sa mga paborito ng mga Pilipino— ang adobong baboy. Para sa unang hakbang, paghaluin ang bawang, karne, toyo, paminta at dahon ng laurel. Hayaan muna itong nakababad ng kalahating oras. Ilagay sila sa kawali na may mahinang apoy upang lumambot ang karne. Dagdagan pa ng tubig kung kinakailangan. Apatnapung minuto ang hihintayin bago ihalo ang suka at panibagong sampung minuto uli hanggang sa ito’y kumulo.

Katulad ng mga sangkap na nabanggit, ang pagkakaroon ng isang matatag na samahan ay nangangailangan ng panahon at pagdaan sa iba’t ibang karanasan. Nariyan ang mga sandaling kagaya ng paminta na magpapa-anghang sa pagsasama. Nariyan din ang maasim na suka na maihahalintulad sa mga pangyayaring nagdadagdag ng sabik sa mga kaganapan sa buhay niyong dalawa.

Matapos ang mga hakbang na iyan, maaari nang magdagdag ng asin at asukal nang naaayon sa iyong panlasa. Ngayong kumulo na ang pinagsama-samang sangkap, hanguin muna mula sa sabaw ang karne at ito ay iprito sa kawali hanggang magkulay-kayumanggi. Pagkatapos ay maaari na uli itong ihalo sa sabaw at pakuluan ng isang minuto. Kapag nakita at nalanghap mo na ang mabangong ulam na ito ay maaari na itong ihain sa hapag kainan.

Ngunit tulad ng dalawang sangkap na nabanggit sa itaas, hindi mabubuo ang isang magandang relasyon kung walang maalat at matamis na mga alaala. Hindi pwedeng laging masaya. Hindi pwedeng laging perpekto ang pagsasama. Kailangan ding dumaan sa mga mapapait na karanasan at problema upang mas tumatag ang dalawang taong nagmamahalan. Dito kasi masusubok kung gaano nila pinapahalagahan ang bawat isa at kung gaano sila ka-determinadong patagalin ang relasyong binuo nilang magkasama.

Simple lang naman ang paggawa ng adobo.  Ang mga sangkap na nabanggit sa itaas ay maaaring madagdagan o mabawasan. Kahit nga ang estilo ng pagluluto nito ay maaaring magbago. Mula rito, makikita natin na hindi lamang sahog o proseso ang importante. Binibigyang halaga rin ang kagustuhan ng isang taong makalikha isang masarap na putahe. Tinitignan dito ang puso na nilalagay niya sa pagluluto. Katulad lang nito ang pagkakaroon ng relasyon. Bukod sa oras, karanasan, kaligayahan at kalungkutan, dapat na isinasaalang-alang din ang kagustuhan ng dalawang tao na talagang magsama. Importante ang dedikasyon sa pagpapalago ng relasyon at sa pagtupad ng pangako sa isa’t isa na magsasama sa hirap man o sa ginhawa.

SKINWHITE U SPARK

One fine afternoon, while browsing my Facebook feed (to look for funny videos and inspirational quotes and to stalk my crush hihi), I stumbled upon SkinWhite's ad about their anti-bullying campaign. It caught my attention so I decided to give it a shot. I submitted an application containing my thoughts on why I should be chosen as an advocate and a few days later, I got a confirmation and I can still vividly remember the happiness I felt that time.

After that, we had a briefing. I got to meet the other girls and the whole U Spark team and I must say that I am really looking forward to working with people as passionate as them. 

Below is the BTS video of our shoot and a few clips of us (the six advocates and the brand representatives) sharing our thoughts about the campaign and the positive impact it can bring.

You can also watch the high definition version here.

Read more of my reactions upon being chosen as an advocate here:

Get to know more about the campaign and the advocates by visiting USPARK.

SUBMITTED MY FEELS

Time check: 1:02 a.m.

People say that the ones who are up at this hour are either lonely, brokenhearted, or students with papers due tomorrow. Well, I'm NOTA. *sighs* Actually, I'm still awake because I am really excited to share with my nonexistent readers everyone my featured article on CANDYMAG.COM.

Hurrah!

I have already published that write-up months ago but it really feels great to have it posted on a site as powerful and as influential as this Filipina Teen's Best-est Friend Online.

So for those who are ready to join the girl who wallowed in misery and self-pity six months ago, feel free to read THE ART OF GETTING BY.

CAGED HOPE

"If you do not go after what you want, you will never have it."

Thank you to the team behind this video for the Decentralized Asian Transnational Challenges (d'CATCH) Manila for allowing me to share my story. I hope this will inspire more people to pursue their passion and follow their heart's desire.

YOU CAN ALSO WATCH IT HERE

FIVE MONTHS AND A RIVER OF TEARS LATER...

Taken from the bouquet of roses he gave me for my nineteenth birthday.

Faded and wilted.

Just like our story.

Just like our love.

CASE STUDY: ASST. PROF. FAYE MARTEL-ABUGAN, M.A.

Ma'am Faye, the bonggang-bonggang CA adviser, is one of the people I look up to in the field of communication. So when we were given the chance to interview successful individuals who took up the same program that we are currently taking, it was her who immediately came into my mind. I was fortunate enough because despite her busy schedule, she was able to spare a few minutes for me. Below is the narrative I have written (in her point of view) based from the interview that I have conducted. If, by any chance, young aspirants like me get to read this, I hope Ma'am Faye's story becomes an inspiration to you to always aim for more and become the best in whatever you do.

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It was not at all that different from the world I grew up in. Only instead of typewriters and broadsheets, there were cameras, microphones, and spot lights. Instead of editors, writers, inks, papers, and printing presses, there were directors, production assistants, yards of thick cables, and production houses. You see, there is this sense of magic in working for TV.

As a young girl, I remember dreaming of landing a job in the biggest broadcast company. We are actually a family of writers so I have always known that I will work for the media. That’s what I had in mind when I entered the University of Santo Tomas during the year of 1989. I took up Bachelor of Arts in Communication Arts and on the side, I was part of the Artistang Artlets’ production team. During my time, there was no Tomasian Cable Television yet so I treated my experience in AA as a training ground before I got exposed to the real world of Communication Arts.

I was in my junior year when my research professor-slash-TV 5 human resource director, Ma’am Lanuza, offered an internship in the aforementioned broadcast company. Unfortunately, I came in late so other students already took the slot. I was really sad back then because I had my eyes set on working for that television station after graduation. I had no choice but to move on so I decided to grab the opportunity of having my on-the-job training in a small production house owned by Sir Emmy Pascual, one of my professors. One of the most remarkable projects that I have done there was the audio visual presentation for San Miguel. Since Sir Emmy’s production house did not have the equipment and other tools needed, we went to another production house that was surprisingly a block-timer in TV 5. They had a talk-cum-comedy show entitled “Stay Awake” top-billed by Joey de Leon and Jimmy Santos. Since I was still interested in becoming a part of the said station, I tried my luck and asked if they needed an intern. Sadly, they were not looking for any since they were just a small company but I still left my resume just in case. My internship in Sir Emmy’s production house ended but since I still had a lot of time left, I took the opportunity of having another internship in GMA. It was election period that time so they needed volunteers and since I grabbed that chance, I was assigned in the radio department which is more commonly known today as DZBB. Surprisingly, after that, someone phoned my mom and asked her to let me return the call. Upon doing so, I was greeted by the production house that was block-timing in TV 5. They needed an executive producer that time and they remembered the resume I left so they tried to contact me right away. With my little experience and great ambitions, I accepted the offer and handled the show immediately. I remember leaving our house in Novaliches at eleven in the evening then going to Makati to pull out the needed equipment and then heading towards Joey De Leon’s humble abode in Pasig to get the paintings that will be featured in the show and then travelling to Quezon City to get the sponsored food from Ping Ping’s Lechon and then finally going back to Novaliches for the taping. I felt the burden of the work as I became not just the executive producer, but the associate producer, talent coordinator, writer, and even production assistant as well. I still enjoyed the job, though. But when I realized that I have already reached my full potential and I have already done everything you can imagine in that company, I left with a grateful heart.

Right after graduation, I became a production coordinator or road manager (as some people would call it) for one year. I then worked as a freelancer in TV 5 for three months. But twenty years later, I am happy to still be part of the said station. I have been a part of the production team of several shows like Everybody Hapi and other sitcoms. Apart from that, I am also currently handling the Communication Arts students of UST. I think that is one of my greatest achievements. But if you want more, I would be happy to enumerate some.

Of course, I am a proud mother not just to my lovely child but to my students and my babies in Tomasian Cable Television as well. And speaking of TOMCAT, I am also happy for the awards that we receive from several prestigious award-giving bodies and even more elated to say that I am one of the minds behind Tiger Radio. Now, as a part of TV 5, I think my achievement there would be producing several shows and working with high caliber actors and actresses. But it’s not Christmas everyday. I mean, in my journey, I also had a few hits-and-misses. I tried working on my doctor of philosophy degree but I had to stop after two years just because I realized that it was not my time yet. I also feel sad for the people I have hurt along the way. It’s inevitable, yes, especially when you are in this industry. But what I have realized in my many years of existence is that you should you should learn from your experiences and mistakes. And ever since I became a Christian, my eyes have been opened to the reality that there is a time for everything and the experiences that we have really happen for a reason.

Now, to answer your question regarding the things I want to achieve, well I still want to pursue my doctor of philosophy degree. As for TOMCAT, I want this organization to have a wider reach and if possible, become an open-circuit television. I also want to empower more people to make media content and flourish in the field of communication. And lastly, I want the best for my daughter. I want her to be happy in the program that she is taking up and I want her to grab every opportunity that comes her way.

As a mother, friend, professor, and media practitioner, I just want to tell those who will be able to read this study to know what you want in life, find joy in it, and have the guts to go after it. Opportunities do not come knocking at your door. You should be brave and willing enough to look for it and make the most out of it. Open yourself to the possibilities around you and never be afraid to make mistakes because only then will you be able to grow.

TO PETER PAN...

...WITH LOVE FROM WENDY.

I can still vividly remember that line from our fourth-grade play.
I was the girl in blue and you were my cute elf... my Peter Pan,

... my childhood enemy (and crush),

... my burger buddy,

... my kakulitan,

... my adventure-seeking partner,

... my twin,

... my happy pill,

... my better half,

... my confidant,

... my protector,

... my best friend,

... my number one fan,

... my inspiration,

... my prince,

... my love.

You were my everything.

We were so happy... so in-love. But while we were growing together, we (or maybe I) didn't realize that we were already growing apart. I still have no idea why this enchanted story must come to an end. All I know for sure is that I'm finally ready to let you go. Loving you must mean I really have to set you free. I'm giving you the freedom you desperately asked for. It hurts more than you can imagine. The pain in my heart is like a wound that will eventually heal but will leave a scar. Things will never be the same again because everywhere I go and everything I see holds a special memory of us two. But there's nothing else I could do. I can't breathe without you but I have to. I want you to be happy with your new life (and love). I may be facing this new year without you, but do know that I have my family and friends by my side. It's been nice meeting you, and even more wonderful to have been a part of your life. All those years we spent together will forever be treasured. Rest assured that everything we have shared— the experiences, laughter, tears, and great moments will always have a special place in my heart. They were all beautiful, by the way. This may be the end of our journey as a couple, but definitely not as friends. Keep in mind that I will always be here for you. If God permits that we meet again someday when we are both ready, then I will welcome you with forgiveness and open arms. But if it's really not meant to be, then I will just look forward to that day when we can finally face each other with smile on our lips and happiness in our hearts.

So I guess this is it. We have reached the last page of our fairy tale. I will really miss you, prince charming. And I think I'll have to endure missing you everyday until I don't feel anything anymore. Have a good life.

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PS: By the way, this is our last photo together. Our last good memory. I don't want to let go of you too soon, but I don't want to hang on too long either.

CASE STUDY: RIZA DELOS SANTOS

For our Marriage and Family course, we were asked by our professor to conduct a case study about any individual who is currently facing difficult problems rooted in the family. I have decided to focus on children not only because of their vulnerability but also because I believe that they are the ones who greatly need our help. The narrative below is a short part taken from the whole case study and I hope that this becomes an eye-opener to all the readers.

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It’s half past two and as dozens of people came rushing in the Marikina City Social Welfare Development Office, I caught a glimpse of this skinny and innocent-looking girl. As I was intently observing her, a social worker approached me and told me that the child that I was looking at was the one assigned to me for the interview that I will be conducting. They led us inside a small but conducive library. As she propped herself against a plastic chair, I handed her a chicken fillet sandwich and she gave me a warm smile that really touched my heart. Riza Delos Santos, this fourteen-year-old girl that I am talking about, is the second among the four children of a forty-year-old barker and a garbage collector of the same age. Her brother is just a year older than her and her two other siblings are 8 and 11 respectively. They used to live in a shanty in Sta. Elena, Marikina but when her parents got separated, Riza and her siblings made the streets of Calumpang, Marcos Highway, and Katipunan their home. They roamed the aforementioned places in search of money to feed themselves and because of that, none of them ever had the privilege to go to school even just for basic education.

I felt really sad upon hearing that. When I asked her if she wanted to study, she nodded shyly. But she immediately responded “Pero mas gusto ko pong makapag-aral yung mga kapatid ko.” I asked her why she never thought of getting a scholarship from the mayor. She replied, “Hindi ko po kilala si Mayor e. Tsaka dati sabi ni Mama pwede na ko mag-aral.” She drew a square on thin air. “Kaso nawala niya yung papel.” “Papel?”, I inquired. I was wondering what paper she was referring to. When she said she didn’t know, I just asked her if she knew how to read and write. She told me that she only knows the alphabet. She gets confused when they are already used to form complex words and sentences. She knows how to count though. Riza told me that her parents imparted a tad bit of knowledge to her when it comes to numbers.

While munching on the sandwich, I pushed myself to ask her what happened. “Bakit ka napunta dito?”, I uttered. Without hesitation, she informed me that this was already her eighth time to be detained. When I asked her why, she simply responded, “Nahuli pong namamalimos e. Pati po yung tatlong kapatid ko kasama ko dito kasi nahuli rin.” I convinced her to explain the situation further. She told me that they use two methods when begging: the “kalabit” and the “bigay-sobre”. I got curious so I also asked her if she is one of the kids that syndicates use to get money. She shook her head firmly, but whispered “Pero totoo po yung mga yun kasi may mga kaibigan na kong bigla na lang nawala.” I was surprised to hear that. “Bakit ka ba namamalimos?”, I inquired. She told me that she wanted to help her parents. But apart from that, she also told me that she had no other choice since it was her who decided to leave home because of her parents’ separation due to financial problems. Riza explained that her mom uses their money to buy methamphetamine or shabu from “Bitoy”, the supplier. I got the surprise of my life when she told me that on the third time she got detained, she was already using “pencil” or more commonly known as rugby. However, she immediately added “Pero tumigil na po ako.” I was relieved then. Since we were already talking about her parents’ separation, I asked her how she felt. She told me that it really broke her heart and that is the reason why she decided to abscond. She said that she had no one to go back to since both her parents already have their own families. Her dad will even soon have another baby. When I asked her to choose between her mom and her dad, she told me that she will always choose her mom because she never had the urge to hurt them. Her dad, on the other hand, had an iron fist. He would hit them whenever they did something wrong or whenever they had adversities to overcome.

That’s when the issue of blame came in the picture. I asked, “Sino sinisisi mo sa mga nangyari?” “Yung mga kaibigan ko po siguro. Sila naman po nag-impluwensiya sa’kin magbisyo at mamalimos e.”, Riza answered. She told me that her parents, although poor as rats, never wanted them to beg for money. “Sana nga lang hindi sila naghiwalay”, she added.

I looked around the library and asked how Riza was. She told me that she was doing just fine. According to her, there are times when she would feel happy because of her siblings and friends inside the CSWDO. They would either watch the television or play inside their cells. Every Tuesday, Friday and Sunday, they would all gather in a room and have a Bible study and sharing with volunteers from the local church. She even told me that one of the most memorable things that she has acquired from the sessions was to learn how to forgive and free our hearts from anger and resentment because only then can we let God in our lives. Unfortunately, her happiness is just temporary. Most of the time, she would just feel sad and helpless; hopeless, even. She said that she really misses staying at home with her mom and dad because they only get to visit her and her siblings every Tuesday and Friday. I then catechized her about her real situation in the detainment cell. She retorted that the social workers watch over them but do not really interact with them that much. She added that they get fed three times a day with soup, noodles, or rice meals. In total, there are fifteen of them inside a cell and they sleep on native mats with only blankets to shield them from cold nights. What adds to her disappointment is the fact that some of the rugby boys inside the CSWDO would catcall and invite Riza and her friends to have sex with them. She has already been traumatized because rugby boys would beat them from time to time just to extort their earnings from begging. “Gusto ko na talagang umalis dito”, she whispered.

I asked her what other wishes she had in mind. “Syempre mabuo po yung pamilya ko, mailayo yung pamilya ko sa hirap, maisama yung mga kaibigan ko sa paglabas, at magkaroon ng maayos na bahay.”, she enumerated. I then had a follow-up question: “Anong gusto mong maging paglaki mo?” She answered that she wants to be a doctor— a pediatrician to be exact. And when I told her to give a message for kids who are facing the same situation, she gave me an answer I will never forget: “Wag mawalan ng pag-asa. Ako paglabas ko dito magbabagong-buhay na ko. Sana kayo rin.”

BRINGING BACK THE CHILDHOOD THAT FADED AWAY

I used to be a part of this story

Where I resided in a wondrous place

Wee but glistening things made me happy

They never failed to put a smile on my face

I remember the days when I moved freely

I explored the world and inquired around

Hatred was unknown and my heart loved purely

Like a lifeless doll, I slumbered safe and sound

I long for the times I subsisted in dreams

When everything was occult and enchanting

Though I know it is as strange as it seems

In reverie, I find myself wanting

To go back, cease the time that passes swiftly

Reliving the young that laughs innocently

MY FIRST LOVE

"You see," she said, "your first love isn't the first person 

you give your heart to— it's the first one who breaks it."

 Lang Leav

THE ART OF GETTING BY

Get by  -  phrasal verb (/ɡet/ verb (present participle getting, past participle gotten/ˈɡɑt·ən/ or got/ɡɑt/ )
                      - to manage or continue to exist in a state or situation where something is lacking


In this case... YOU.

It's been a month since you left and I still can't find the perfect words to weave together to express how I really feel (or felt that night you bid goodbye). You left my heart shattered and I don't think it will ever return to the way it was before. Everytime I think of you, the pang of regret and yearning engulfs me. And it sucks. It sucks because I can't do anything about it. I feel so helpless. Hopeless, even. How will I start fixing myself when I know for a fact that a huge part of me is missing because when we parted ways, you took that piece away with you? I still can't believe that all those years filled with pure bliss, sadness, unexpected moments, and unforgettable experiences are now nothing but mere memories of a great love I once knew... memories that I know I should be burying because they all still remind me of you. It hurts, yes. And I don't think the pain will ever be gone. But right now, the only thing that I should be doing is trying to learn how to live without you. No, this is not me moving on. Not yet. This is just me trying to accept the fact that you are already gone. This is just me trying to face the reality that this "letting go and moving on" phase will be sad and long. And finally, this is just me trying to get by... trying to continue existing like nothing ever went wrong.

(Definition of get by from the Cambridge Academic Content Dictionary © Cambridge University Press)

ON LETTING GO AND MOVING ON

"In the end, only three things matter: how fully you lived, how deeply you loved, and how well you learned to let go of things not meant for you."

This quote, lifted from one of the pages of Fr. Jerry M. Orbos' book entitled Just A Moment, has been one of my favorites ever since. The last line is what actually  struck me the most. Let me share with you snippets of my life. Let's go back to the time where it all began. 

As a child, I have always loved writing stories and poems. So when I entered fourth grade, I decided to enrich my craft by joining writing competitions where I have fortuitously won most of the time. Moreover, I have been a part of our school paper where I became the Editor-in-Chief. When I entered high school, I still continued pursuing my passion so I was fortunate enough to be given the position of Columnist in our official newsletter. But by the time I was about to take various college entrance examinations, my hopes of becoming “successful” got in the way. I thought that by becoming an accountant, I will be guaranteed with a high-paying salary and a bright future ahead of me. But I was wrong. I decided to let go of my dream of becoming a writer and pushed myself to turn my back from my world of words to face a future filled with numbers. It was a difficult decision but I really wanted to give my family a better life so I pursued a program far different from the career I have always dreamed of having. 

But perhaps it is true that when you are meant to do something, the universe conspires to help you accomplish it. During the summer of 2013, I was invited by my sister who is currently taking up AB in Communication Arts to audition as a radio jock for UST Tiger Radio. Since I am an exuberant teen, I decided to give it a shot. After that, we also tried out for Magic 89.9, Monster Radio RX 93.1, 99.5 Play FM and Mossimo Radio. Fortunately, we were both chosen to become a part of Magic 89.9’s Street Team and I was blessed to be one of UST Tiger Radio’s newest jocks. During the training, workshops and shows, I have come to realize that I am back on track. I have been given the opportunity to be involved in the field of communication once more. Apart from the aforementioned activities, I have also been given a chance to host an event for the very first time. I was invited by the Isetann Mall to host U-Belt Dance Duo. Add to that the fact that I have been receiving great feedbacks from the people around me with regards to my communication skills. One good example would be my Oral Communication professor who inspired me to become better in this field. Thank you, Ma'am Pia! 

I must say that I found true happiness not in crunching numbers but in weaving words together and in speaking either through the radio or in front of a large crowd. And all of these things pushed me to follow my heart's desire. I decided to shift to the AB in Communication Arts program. As luck would have it, I passed the shifter's exam and am now a step closer to fulfilling my dreams. This academic year, I can already proudly call myself an Artlet and believe me, it still gives me goosebumps everytime. 

I am still not certain of the future that's waiting for me. Yes, it's not easy to start anew especially when you're already halfway through. But one thing's for sure: I am beyond happy because I can finally take the path truly intended for me.

So if you are having doubts right now about anything, always remember the three simple rules in life (anonymous author):

1. If you do not go after what you want, you'll never have it.

2. If you do not ask, the answer will always be 'no'.

3. If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place.